Saturday, 10 August 2013

My self-doubt is crippling

I have so many ideas for stories and I write a bit on them or thrash out some ideas and then I will realise that I have written a hero’s journey trope, or a chosen one trope, or I have made a female character who only changes when she meets a man, or I have written a vampire story and they are so overdone, … or whatever.
And I stop.
For some reason it doesn’t worry me in fanfic. There, I just write. My fanfic issues are writing battles - gah, I am no good at writing fight scenes. Or researching Twilight Volturi vampires. I hate Volturi vampires… their gifts are just dumb. You cannot touch someone and read every thought they have ever had, your head would just explode. And it would be really annoying… ‘pass me the wine, oh, that’s what you thought when you were two?’ Or how exactly, do you track the mind of someone you have never met? Or the gift to repel other vampires? Just… no.
It also doesn’t worry me in short stories. There, I just write. The stakes are not as high. It’s only 1,000 words. Nobody cares.
In fanfic I can push my own boundaries. I’ve never tried co-writing with someone*; I’ll give that a go. I’ve never written slash*, I’ll give that a go. I’ve never written femslash*, I’ll try that. I will mash together odd pairings, and I will take challenges from readers for songs that I don’t even like* let alone ever listen to.
So what’s different?
It’s me. Or my attitude, I suppose.
In one I am willing to try and in the other I am scared to do so.
I saw Joss Whedon speak at the Sydney Opera House in 2010. I am sure I wrote a summary of his talk for another website. I will have to find it and post it here. I have a vague memory of him talking about doubt.
So if the giants are afflicted by it, I should be comforted?
So my new motto should be: I’ll give that a go. Right?
* I co-wrote A Man Apart - Vin Diesel fic with my beta
* Best friends share everything - Quil and Embry together - ended up being poly
*Swan’s mate for life - again, ended up being poly

*I wrote a fic for the song Payphone once

No comments:

Post a comment